By Corey Bray

  Have you had a GAS attack lately?  Gear acquisition syndrome is an insidious disease that infects most musicians–especially those of us who play guitar.  It sneaks up on you slowly and just takes you over.  Before you know it you are slamming your credit card down on the counter, at the local music store, to purchase some insanely expensive new piece of gear for your rig.   Never mind that the interest rates are twenty-three percent and you will be forced to survive on nothing but corn chips and ramen noodles for months to come.  The important thing is that you got your grubby little hands on that new Eventide harmonizer rack that pumps out heavenly sounds to the four amps you bought last year that you are probably still paying off.

  If you suffer from GAS, it is important to make some adjustments to your overall lifestyle–especially when visiting the music store.  The following is my list of recommended techniques for handling a Gas attack.

1.   Leave your wallet and credit card at home.

  If you have to visit a music store, remember it is just to browse and drool, not to buy.  Leave your wallet back at the apartment to avoid jerking it out of your pocket during a GAS attack.

2.   Just say, “No!”

  The sales rep at the store will likely remind you that you can put up to a gazillion dollars worth of equipment on the new store credit card and finance the payments out for twelve months interest free.  There might even be another sales rep behind you whispering “You can do it.” or “Yes, you want it.” in your ear.  But, no matter how great the temptation, you can always just say, “No!” and walk away.

3.   The buddy system.

  Never go to the music store alone.  Always take someone with you that is big and strong enough to knock you out cold the moment they sense that you are about to buy another piece of gear to clutter up your room with.

4.    Dial a friend.

  Before you buy a new guitar, amp, keyboard, or whatever, make sure to call your friend and start panting heavily over the phone.  When they ask what is wrong, let them know that you are going through a GAS attack and that you would like to borrow their gear for about two or three months until the GAS attack passes.  If they are truly a friend, you know they will comply with your request.  Hopefully, they are not a musician that suffers from GAS attacks themselves.

5.    Locks and chains.

  Okay, this is not some new fetish.  But, in extreme cases, you just have to chain yourself to your bed and toss the key across the room and wait for someone to come home to set you free.  Hopefully you don’t live alone and won’t be stuck feeling really stupid for chaining yourself to the bed and tossing the key across the room.

  If all else fails, then it is simply time to seek professional help.  So, I hope this information helps you out the next time you have a GAS attack.  Now, I think it is time for me to duck out and go buy a new guitar, I’m feeling a GAS attack coming on.