It used to be that back in the 70′s, all that was required to become a shred master was to practice 8 hours a day. During the 80′s, the rigor of guitar slinging increased and we started pushing for more like 10 hours a day. Then guitar playing moved to this whole new level. First, we started by cutting out breaks for eating and just kept a bottle of Perrier and vitamin supplements next to our rig. This made it possible to play about 12 hours a day. That much practice started to create significant results as you can hear in videos such as this one.

Realizing that this just wasn’t going to cut it, shred masters started making some further sacrifices to help them manage their time more efficiently. They stopped dating, partying, drinking, doing drugs, and moved to only use the bathroom once a day, but only when absolutely necessary. This increased the average shred practice session to right around 15 hours a day, despite the fact that more guitarists were dying from kidney failure and a general neglect to eliminate solid waste from their bodies on a regular basis. But, for those who survived this rigorous schedule, the results were staggering as you can hear for yourself.

Finally, in a last stitch effort to add more practice time to their schedule, Shredders far and wide started to take a more serious and extreme approach to disciplined guitar practice. The new technique involved shredding while sleeping. This solved two critical problems in the axe master’s life. The first problem it solved was that it eliminated the need for getting married altogether. The second problem it solved was that it finally made it possible for the seasoned shredder to practice an average of 17 hours a day. Just look what happens to you once you reach this level.

Shredologists (those who study the science of increasing speed and accuracy on the axe) are already deeply involved in developing new methods to push shredding right to the edge of the envelope. It is expected that by the year 2012, shredders will be practicing about 20 hours a day. But, the goal this time will not be to simply improve speed and accuracy. This time around, we hope to actually introduce methods to teach shredders other important musical skills. Things like music theory, the ability to play with other musicians, and a host of other valuable techniques. Until that time, the world of shred heads will continue to blast their amps, run scales, and simulate the death cry of screaming cats with their favorite axe.

Disclaimer: Our shredders are trained professionals, so please do not try this at home. In fact, it’s a good idea to put your axe down from time to time, get off your rear, and get out side and get a little exercise for goodness sakes.